Fun with Mirrors
by Gooey
Summary: [TP]Not containing Link x Ilia. May contain Link x Ilia. Link and Ilia hate each other. I like waffles. Note: If you haven't played the game you won't know what I'm talking about. Also contains spoilers. Maybe Link x Ilia.
1. Chapter 1

**Fun with Mirrors**

**Chapter 1**

Note: This contains spoilers, and if you haven't played the game, you won't know what I'm talking about.

Ganondorf lay on the floor, after being knocked back by Link's blow.

"YAH!" Link screamed, stabbing Ganondorf in the chest.

"Urgh! GAAH!" Ganondorf screamed, dying a slow, painful, death.

"MWAHAHAHA! I defeated the almighty Ganondorf!" Link said triumphantly, as Ganondorf still screamed, and it didn't look like he'd stop anytime soon.

"Shouldn't you say something more heroic instead of acting like a super evil villain and laughing like one?" Zelda said, throwing a rock at Link.

"Well, what would you have said?" Link asked, walking towards Zelda.

"Something like, um… Now, because of I, the day is saved! And then you do that cool sword thing," Zelda said.

"Can't you think of something original for once?" Link said.

"Original? You called your horse Epona! How unoriginal can you get!?" Zelda screamed.

Epona stepped on Zelda.

"I'll get you! Just you wait! I'll get you!!!!" Zelda cursed, struggling from under the horse.

"Well I'll show you!" Link said, walking towards Ganondorf.

"You? Stab me with a sword?" Zelda laughed, not noticing that her arm was broken.

"Can I have my sword back?" Link asked Ganondorf, unaware that Zelda was bleeding to death.

"No! I need to make my death more dramatic!" Ganondorf said in protest, screaming some more.

"HELP ME!" Zelda screamed.

"Please be quiet! Can't you see I'm trying to have a conversation?" Link said.

"So, um… er… My death needs to be more dramatised!" Ganondorf said.

"This is melodramatic! Gimme that!" Link shouted, pulling out the sword.

Ganondorf died.

"HELP ME!" Zelda screamed, again.

"Boy! You are impatient! What is it!?" Link screamed.

"I'm bleeding to death!" Zelda screamed.

Link pulled Zelda out from underneath, and then he saw a familiar shape.

"ZOMG! It's Midna!" Link gasped.

He ran towards Midna as fast as he could and then stopped.

There stood a strange, weird looking creature.

"Hey, um… have you seen Midna?" Link asked.

"I am Midna, stupid!!!!!" Midna screamed, slapping Link.

"I thought you died!" Link said, relieved.

"I'm still dying!!!" Zelda screamed.

"What happened to Zelda?" Midna gasped.

"I'm dying!!!" Zelda screamed.

"Maybe you should heal her," Link suggested.

Midna healed Zelda.

"Thankyou, Midna. Now, I will kill this slob wearing his stupid green rag of cloth!!!" Zelda said, drawing her bow.

"It's the Hero's Tunic, not a rag of cloth! And this is the Hero's Bow! And this is the Master Sword!" Link said, showing all of the mentioned items. "Therefore, you can't kill me!"

"What?" Zelda said, puzzled by Link's bad sense of logic.

"Maybe we should just go to the Mirror Chamber, and then I can leave, and you two can kill each other!" Midna said, positively.

"Okay!" Link and Zelda said simultaneously.

And thus, the three went to the Mirror Chamber.


	2. Chapter 2

**Fun with Mirrors**

**Chapter 2**

Note: This contains spoilers, and if you haven't played the game, you won't know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, Link, Zelda, and Midna were in the Mirror Chamber, with Midna about to depart.

Midna said something wise and meaningful, and then said, "Link… I… See you later."

"What!? Is that all you can say?" Zelda complained.

Midna stared at Zelda angrily.

"A princess should have great farewells and exquisite grammar! You're ruining the whole concept of 'princess!' You should learn!" Zelda argued.

Midna still stared angrily at her.

"You don't deserve to be a princess! You should be a rotten sewer rat! You should drop dead!!!!" Zelda screamed.

**Later, after Midna tied Zelda up and gagged her…**

"Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. Link… I… See you later…" Midna said.

Suddenly, the sages appeared.

"Yesss!!! She's gone!" one of them said.

A small orb of magic came out of her hand and fractured the mirror.

Midna turned back to look at Link once more.

Suddenly, the mirror exploded.

"ZOMG! Midna! You just combusted the mirror!" Link gasped.

"Wait a second! I was supposed to leave and **then** the mirror was supposed to blow up!" Midna said.

"What can we do now?" Link asked.

"What can we do now??? Go on, then! Pick it up!!!" Midna screamed.

"MMMFFF! GGGHHH!" Zelda screamed.

"Midna! This big shard of the mirror just flew into that sage's eye!" Link screamed.

"AAAAAUUUGH!" the sage screamed, dying.

"Whoops," Midna said, staring at the dead sage.

"Okay, now this triangle must go with this triangle! No, it's this way! No, this way!" Link said, juggling the shards in his hands.

"I forgot to mention that I split everything into even fractions. Whoops! Work harder, slave!" Midna said, whipping Link.

"What!? I am not your slave! I will stand for myself!!!" Link protested.

Midna looked angrily at Link.

"AAAAAUUUUUGH!" Link said frantically, juggling the pieces of the mirror.

"MMMF! GGHHH! MMMFF!" Zelda screamed, throwing a mirror at Midna.

Midna dodged, and it split into shards on Links hands.

"AAAARRRGH! The pain! So… confusing!" Link screamed.

"Shut up and work!" Midna said.

"Midna, why don't you stay in Ordon for a while, 'cause this is too confusing!!!" Link screamed.

"Alright, you wuss. I'll teleport us," Midna said.

"MMMFFF!" Zelda screamed.

"Oh! I almost forgot! I accidentally carried one of the shards with us! Silly me!" Midna said, not realising that Zelda was screaming at the top of her lungs.

And then, the two teleported away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Fun with Mirrors**

**Chapter 3**

Note: This contains spoilers, and if you haven't played the game, you won't know what I'm talking about.

Midna and Link landed in Ordon, where everyone was cheerful and happy.

Sort of.

Suddenly, Colin ran towards Link, and hit him in the crotch with his wooden sword.

"OW! Link screamed.

Colin laughed, and then ran away.

"I'll get you, you filthy ratbag!" Link screamed, drawing his sword.

"Link!" Midna snapped.

"Aw…" Link moaned.

"ZOMG! I almost forgot! We left Zelda behind!" Midna gasped.

Two seconds later, Zelda appeared.

"You still have no right to be a princess, you know," Zelda grimaced.

Midna slapped Zelda.

Suddenly, someone came running towards Link.

"Hi there, Link! Thanks for saving the world and restoring my memory!" Ilia said, pecking Link on the cheek.

"Um… your welcome?" Link said, with a WTF? face.

"Hey! That Kokiri tunic looks good on you!" Ilia said.

"It's not a Kokiri tunic!!! It's the Hero's Tunic, and the only places that 'Kokiri' are mentioned is in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and an implied reference in Wind Waker! Can't you see the improbabilities of this story!? Can't you!? You should all die! And for heaven's sake! Am I the only smart person here!???" Zelda screamed.

"I bet you're just jealous that he's the hero of the day!" Midna said, putting a blue ribbon on Link.

"Oh yeah!!?? I will kill you all!!!" Zelda screamed, drawing her bow.

"May I?' Ilia asked.

"Yes," Link said.

Ilia snapped Zelda's bow in half, and then slapped her.

Zelda started crying.

"Midna, you can stay in this little hut I made!" Link said, pointing to a hut made out of twigs.

"Wait a second. There is no electric blanket, no TV, and no computer! How am I supposed to live here!?" Midna screamed.

"Computers and television sets and electricity hasn't been invented yet!!!" Link screamed.

"Hey! That's bad grammar!" Midna said.

"ZOMG! JOO R CORRECT!" Link said.

"Oh, by the way, Link, my father needs you to run some of his errands," Ilia said.

"Like?" Link asked.

Suddenly, Bo, the town mayor, came running out his house.

"Link, now you will be cleaning my house on a regular basis!" Bo said, smiling.

"First, I'm the messenger from the heavens, then, I save the world, and now – I have to be your household maid? I don't deserve this treatment!" Link said.

"Oh, my bad! You're cleaning daily!" Bo said, hugging Link.

"HELP! GET OFF ME! ILIA! TELL YOUR FATHER TO STOP HUGGING ME!!!" Link screamed.

Bo stopped hugging, in sudden realisation.

"THERE'S A GOAT ON THE LOOSE!!!" he screamed.

A goat charged down the road, and then rammed into Zelda, who threw a tantrum.

"You're hopeless, aren't you?" Link said.

"Yup," said Bo.

**And thus endeth the chapter.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Fun with Mirrors**

**Chapter 4**

Note: This contains spoilers, and if you haven't played the game, you won't know what I'm talking about.

Link was in a housemaid outfit, and was dusting the windows.

Ilia was in the house, just in a different room.

Then, he heard a knock on the door.

"Yes?" Link answered, looking annoyed.

"Link, that hut is terrible. Can I sleep in your basement?" Midna asked.

"Yeah, sure. Come in," Link said.

Suddenly, Ilia rushed to the door.

"Who's there? Where are you!? Are you robbing us!!??" Ilia said, peering out the window.

"Um… Ilia?" Link asked.

"Oh, you let the weird looking lady in! How nice!" Ilia said.

"So, um… Ilia, wasn't it? Ilia, are you happy that Link has saved the world?" Midna asked.

"I said for him to not do anything out of his league, like killing, getting pummelled by monsters, and destroying evil men twice your height. And why don't you tell us how you saved the world?" Ilia asked.

"Um… killed, got pummelled by monsters, and destroyed evil men twice my height," Link said.

"Wait. So you did things out of your league?" Ilia asked.

"Yes…" Link said, backing away.

"DIE!!!" Ilia screamed, throwing a kitchen knife at Link.

"AAAUUUUGH!" Link screamed, realising he'd been stabbed in the back.

"MWAHAHAHAHA!" Ilia shouted.

"Lucky I have this bottle of bee larva!" Link said, eating a bottle of bee larva.

"Ewww… You eat that stuff?" Ilia asked.

"Yeah! It replenishes health!" Link said, wiping his mouth.

"YAH!" Ilia screamed, throwing another knife at Link.

"AAAUUUUGH!" Link screamed, being stabbed in the back.

"Yessss!" Ilia said.

"Lucky I have this fairy in a bottle!" Link said, smiling.

A fairy came out of Link's bottle, and then hit him on the head.

"Ow!" Link exclaimed.

Midna stared blankly at Link.

"Lucky - I have these… fairy tears…" Link said, drinking a bottle of fairy's tears.

"How does it taste?" Midna asked.

"Salty," Link said.

Midna pulled the two knives out of Link's back.

"NUUUUEEE! MY PLAN IS FOILED!" Ilia screamed.

"Um… yes?" Link replied.

"NO! Say something more dramatic, like, um…. er… – I don't know, but still!" Ilia complained.

"I shall…. I guess…" Link said.

"Can I still hug you and say how sorry I am?" Ilia asked.

"Okay…" Link said, with a WTF? face.

Ilia hugged Link and said how sorry she was.

"Guess who I found?" Bo asked, smashing the door down. "Princess Zelda!"

"Can she stay in your house?" Link asked.

"Okay!" Bo said. "As long as I can keep the goat!"

"What goat?" Link asked.

"This goat!" Bo said, revealing a goat entangled in Zelda's dress.

"Erm… okay…" Link said.

"Link, get back to your housework! I will now go outside and play!" Ilia said.

"Yes, please!" Link said, over exaggerating the tone on 'please.'

"Is that a good thing?" Ilia asked.

"Yes… sure…" Link said, sarcastically.

**End chapter.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Fun with Mirrors**

**Chapter 5**

Note: This contains spoilers, and if you haven't played the game, you won't know what I'm talking about.

Midna woke up in Link's basement.

She climbed up the ladder and walked upstairs to Link's room, and then stopped.

"Wake up! Sleepy head!" Midna said, slapping Link.

"Wha-?" Link said, still asleep.

Midna pulled out a dagger.

"I said, wake up!" Midna said, stabbing Link in the chest.

"AAUUUUGH!" Link screamed, being stabbed in the chest and all.

"Are you awake now?" Midna asked.

"Yes… can you reach for that bottle of bee larva?" Link said, attempting to pull the dagger out.

"No, my hands are too short! Get it yourself!" Midna said.

"Ow…" Link said, still trying to get the dagger out.

"C'mon! I can't wait all day!" Midna snapped.

Link finally managed to get the dagger out of his back, as well as eating the bee larva.

"Yay! Now I feel all energised!" Link said, smiling.

"Oh, bother!" Midna said.

"What? Is the smile too cheesy?" Link asked.

"Just get outside," Midna muttered.

**Outside…**

Bo ran towards Link, smiling, like usual.

"Guess what?" he asked.

"You're going to hug me?" Link asked.

"No…" Bo said.

"I get a new house?" Link asked.

"No…" Bo said.

"What is it, then?" Link asked, now enthusiastic.

"I get to hug you twice!" Bo said, joyfully.

"Great," Link muttered, sarcastically.

"Oh yeah, today's your day off, but that's really boring, isn't it?" Bo said.

"Yeah, right," Link said, sarcastically.

Link wandered inside Bo's house after being hugged, and there stood Ilia, washing the blood off the knives she threw at Link yesterday.

"Oh, hi there, Link!" she said, brightly.

"Hi!" Link said.

"Hey, Link! I've been wondering… What did that evil guy you were talking about earlier do for a living?"

"Um…" Link said, thinking.

**Start Flashback**

"I will use this foul blade and blot out light forever!!!" Ganondorf said, laughing.

"I get the whole light and dark thing, but can't you do something different for once? Like, tell us your occupation!" Link said.

"Evil bad guy," Ganondorf said.

"See? You're making a fine start!" Link said.

"I am?" Ganondorf asked.

"Yeah, right," Midna muttered.

"DIE!!!" Ganondorf screamed.

**End Flashback**

"Erm…" Link said, still thinking.

Ilia looked angrily at Link.

"He was a dentist!" Link said.

"A dentist? Funny, huh?" Ilia said, scratching her head.

**To be continued…**


	6. Chapter 6

**Fun with Mirrors**

**Chapter 6**

Note: This contains spoilers, and if you haven't played the game, you won't know what I'm talking about.

Link woke up.

It was midnight, and he was heading to the Mirror Chamber.

It took Link five days to get there, but he was sure it would pay off.

He quickly (in a period of two days) fixed the mirror and came back to Ordon (in a period of six days).

"Hi everybody!" Link said, arriving back in Ordon.

"Link!? Where were you? Your house burnt down!!!" Ilia screamed.

"What!? How?" Link asked.

"Um… I'll put it this way… Midna can't cook," Ilia whispered.

Link looked angrily at Midna, who was whistling as she walked down the road.

"Oh, hi there, Link!" Midna said, trying to hide a guilty smile.

"You! Get back to the Twilight Realm! Now!" Link screamed.

"How?" Midna asked.

"I fixed the mirror using the other mirror's shards as well!!! C'mon! Get going!" Link screamed.

"Using the other shards of Zelda's mirror?" Midna asked.

"Um… it has a pointy nose," Link said.

Midna quickly teleported herself, Zelda, and Link to the Mirror Chamber.

"Goodbye!" Midna said, waving.

"YESSSS!" Zelda shouted.

Midna teleported back to the Twilight Realm, and then the mirror cracked.

Link and Zelda hi-fived each other.

"Now I can actually go back to the castle!" Zelda shouted.

"Now I can rebuild my hut!" Link shouted, joyfully.

"It's a house, stupid!" Zelda said.

"Well, the castle spontaneously combusted!" Link argued.

Silence.

"WAAAH!" Zelda cried.

"Shut up," said Link, slapping Zelda.

"WAAAH!" Zelda cried, again.

"I'm going to have to leave you out here if you don't stop winging," Link said.

"HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!!!" Zelda screamed, laughing.

"AAUUUGH!" Link screamed.

"Mwahahahaha!" Zelda laughed.

"And you say to not act like an evil super villain and laugh like one!" Link said, reaching for some soup in a bottle.

"But I'm a girl! It's different for girls!" Zelda said.

"Well, at least I'm not a self centred geek!" Link snapped.

"I'm not a self centred geek! I'm a princess!" Zelda shouted.

"Then you're a self centred geeky princess!!!" Link shouted.

"I am not geeky in any way!" Zelda screamed.

"Pens in shirt pocket, pimples, and glasses? You're a geek!" Link shouted, grabbing a pen and case for glasses out of Zelda's pocket.

"I don't have pimples!" Zelda screamed.

"Well, what did your father say when he was living? Red paint on your cheek!?" Link screamed.

"OMG! I do have a pimple!" Zelda screamed.

"And guess what? Your father doesn't exist, and you're still a princess! Not a queen or empress! A princess!!!" Link screamed, drooling.

"Why didn't you tell me? A pimple!" Zelda screamed.

"It's just a pimple!" Link said.

"Don't you understand!? It's a pimple! These things are dangerous!" Zelda said.

"I guess you're not a princess anymore! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Link shouted.

"WAAAH!" Zelda winged, scurrying off

**End of chapter.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Fun with Mirrors**

**Chapter 7**

Note: This contains spoilers, and if you haven't played the game, you won't know what I'm talking about.

"Guess what?" Ilia asked.

"What?" Link asked.

"I got a pet cat!" Ilia said, smiling.

"Yeah, cool and whatever," Link said, looking at the cat.

"Well, go on! Stroke it!" Ilia said.

Link stroked the cat.

"Hey, Link! Have you ever had a pet?" Ilia asked.

"No," Link answered.

"Then do you like animals?" Ilia asked.

"Um…" Link said, thinking.

**Start Flashback**

Link stabbed Armagomah's eye.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA! I rule the world!" Link screamed, at the top of his lungs.

Suddenly, a jaguar fell on him.

**End Flashback**

"Er… what type of animals?"

"Pets. Like fish, birds, and dogs!" Ilia said.

"Hm… let's see…" Link said, in deep thought, like usual.

**Start Flashback**

Link was at the fishing hole located at the upper Zora's river.

"Hi there!" he said to Hena, the owner of the place.

"Hi! Would you like to go fishing?" Hena asked.

"Hee hee hee!" Link said, rolling into the fish tank.

"Stop it! You're spooking the fish!" Hena argued.

"Hee hee hee!" Link laughed, rolling into Hena's pet bird, Purdy.

"Hey! You be nice to Purdy!" Hena shouted.

"Hee hee hee!" Link said, rolling into the fish tank again.

"Get a control of yourself, or I'll have to ask you to leave!" Hena warned.

"Hee hee hee!" Link laughed, rolling into Purdy again.

"That's it! You're being an absolute jerk! Get out!" Hena screamed.

**End Flashback**

"Um… I guess…" Link said, scratching his head.

"Okay! I'll leave you with my cat," Ilia said, walking away.

Link stared at the cat.

The cat stared back at Link.

"Hey!" Malo said, walking along.

Link stared at the cat.

"Link?" Malo asked, waving his hand in front of Link's eyes.

"What?" Link asked, still staring at the cat.

"I'm writing a book!" Malo said.

"About what?" Link asked.

"Your adventures! It's made all out of flashbacks!" Malo said.

"Can't you see how terrible a story made all up of flashbacks is?" Link asked.

"Er… no…." Malo said.

"Oh," Link said, thinking.

"And I'm going to interview you!" Mao announced.

"Hold on! That means that your story is a biography! And that means that this isn't a story! And that means joo are bad at vocabulary!!!" Link said, shocked.

"That doesn't make sense," Malo said. (The fact that Malo was writing a story based on a true story, and also Link sucks, meaning Link sucks.)

"Oh," said Link.

**Leik, end of teh chapter.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Fun with Mirrors **

**Chapter 8 **

Note: This contains spoilers, and if you haven't played the game, you won't know what I'm talking about. I would also like to name this chapter "Ten ways to kill a fairy" because it is an appropriate title. Really. 

"Hey, Link. I've been wondering… What if you had a fairy companion?" Ilia asked.

"Erm… I'm not sure," Link said.

"Well, guess what?" Ilia asked.

"What?" Link said.

"I got you a fairy!" Ilia said.

"Ouch," Link said, staring at the fairy.

"What? It didn't hit you!" Ilia said.

"Er… it did metaphorically!" Link said, running away holding the fairy.

"Hello! I am your fairy guardian!" the fairy said.

"Whatever, now help me cut the grass!" Link said, cutting the grass.

Suddenly, a heart appeared.

Link walked into it, and his health was replenished.

"How does that happen?" Link asked.

"I dunno," the fairy said, drinking a fairy sized cup of tea.

**Under the next patch of grass… **

"Are you even half sure how our kind survived for this long?" a Picori said.

"No, I'm not," said another Picori.

Suddenly, a giant blade swung through and cut the two Picori in half.

**With Link… **

"Are you even going to help?" Link asked.

"No," said the fairy.

Silence.

"DIE!!!!" Link screamed, stabbing the fairy in the chest, then getting Epona to step on it, then got wasps to sting it, then cut it into even bite sized pieces, then stepped on it, then drowned it in the lake.

Silence.

"Are you dead yet?" Link asked.

"No," the fairy said.

"YAAAH!!!" Link screamed, caramelizing the fairy, poisoning it and dying it dark brown.

The fairy died.

"That was easy," Link said, not realizing that the whole process wasted his entire day.

"Hey, Link! Where's your fairy?" Ilia said, running to Link.

"It died due to natural causes," Link said.

"It says in this book that fairies have long lifespans," Ilia said.

"I killed it, okay!!!??? RAAAAAAA!" Link screamed, tearing out his hair.

"It also says here that fairies are invincible," Ilia said.

"Then… it was a fake!" Link gasped.

"Oh no! Colin was dressing up as a fairy!" Ilia screamed.

"Why would he do that?" Link asked.

"Um… he's crazy?" Ilia suggested.

Link paused for a second.

"Meh, he's dead," Link said.

"Why don't we laugh at his dead body?" Ilia said.

"Sure, why not?" Link said, walking over to Colin's body.

The two laughed.

"Wait, this isn't Colin's body, it's grass!" Link said, pointing at the patch of grass.

"It's rude to point," Ilia said.

"Your point being?" Link asked, smiling cheesily.

"Hey, look! There's Zelda, and she's angrily stealing Colin's body!" Ilia said, smiling.

"Hi!" said Colin, who was standing behind the two.

"YAAAAH! Zombie!" Link cried, slashing wildly at Colin's face.

"You just killed Colin!" Ilia said.

"No I didn't! See, the zombie has blood, and he looks perfectly normal! All zombies have blood!" Link said.

"No they don't," Ilia said.

"Yes they do," Link sighed.

"It says in this book that zombies have no blood," Ilia said.

"You're a bookworm, you know that?" Link sighed.

"Be quiet, I'm trying to read this book!" Ilia said.

"Well that was completely unexpected!" Link said.

"Shhh!" Ilia said.

"I know! I'll dump Colin's body on Ilia's desk!" Link said.

He did so.

"Guess who I found lying on your desk? Colin!" Bo said, running towards Ilia.

"Dad, you're interrupting my daily reading sessions!" Ilia said.

"And guess what? Colin's also bleeding!" Bo said.

"Erm… maybe I should run away now…" Link said, jumping on Epona and going down the stream.

"Ilia, dear? What did I tell you about killing people?" Bo asked, looking angrily.

"Leave it to the father?" Ilia suggested, looking up.

"Exactly!" Bo said.

"So… why don't you announce your great feat?" Ilia mumbled.

"EVERYBODY! I KILLED COLIN!" Bo said, smiling.

Rusl ran out of his house and started swinging his sword wildly.

"DIE!!!!" he screamed.

"Hey, no sweat, man! At least your insurance covers it!" Bo said.

Everyone laughed.

**Downstream… **

"NUUUUEZ! You are stealing my horsey!" Link said, pointing at a monkey holding Epona.

**End of Chapter. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Fun with Mirrors**

**Chapter 9**

Note: This contains spoilers, and if you haven't played the game, you won't know what I'm talking about.

Link jumped and tried to reach Epona, who was being held by a monkey.

"NUEZ! Gimme my horsey!" Link said.

The monkey pulled a face at Link, and then snickered.

"I will get joo, monkey! Wait! I'll bribe you with candy!" Link said, holding up some weird Hylian snack.

The monkey jumped down and grabbed the candy, dropping Epona into the water in the process.

"Yay! I lub nooj, monkey!" Link said, smiling.

Link realised that Epona was crushing him to death under the water, and Epona was drowning herself.

"AUGH! AUGH! AUGH!" Link screamed, accidentally dropping his Zora Armour.

Suddenly, everyone except Ilia came to help Link out of the water.

Link climbed onto the river bank, and ran to Ilia's house.

"Hey, Ilia! I just almost drowned!" Link said.

"You just interrupted my book sessions! Anyway, have you seen Epona? I told her to meet me here two minutes ago," Ilia said.

"Horses can't understand English!" Link protested.

"Where is she, though?" Ilia asked.

"I think she drowned in the lake," Link said.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!!!???" Ilia screamed.

"I think she drowned in the lake!" Link said.

"Oh, sorry, I have hearing problems," Ilia said.

"I wonder why?" Link said, snickering at the thought of Bo being deaf.

"Anyway, where is Epona?" Ilia asked.

"She drowned in the lake," Link said.

"NUUUUUEZ!!!111" Ilia screamed, grabbing some kitchen knives.

"You must be emotionally attached to those," Link remarked, dashing.

Before he knew it, there was a kitchen knife stuck in his back. (By the way, it hurt.)

"Ow…" Link managed to say.

"MWAHAHAHAHA! I rule the world!" Ilia said.

Coincidentally, Ilia disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

**Somewhere else…**

Ilia woke up in Hyrule Castle Town, dazed.

Everyone was staring at her.

"Now, everyone, settle down, it's only a girl with a fractured leg and neurological brain injuries!" Zelda said, running to Ilia.

Everyone screamed and ran around panicking.

"That's a good way to distract everyone," Zelda whispered.

"What?" Ilia asked.

"That's a good way to distract everyone!" Zelda shouted.

Everyone stared at Zelda.

Zelda randomly pointed at Princess Agitha, who was standing in the crowd.

The two ran away quickly as Agitha was mauled to death by an angry mob with no morals.

"Now, I want to show you something cool," Zelda said.

"I like cool things," Ilia said.

"Whatever," Zelda said, slapping her forehead.

The two got to a small building in the quieter part of town.

"Here it is!" Zelda said, showing Ilia a triforce piece in a bottle.

"You really over use those bottles," Ilia said, unimpressed.

"Well, you seem perfect to kill Link," Zelda said.

"WHAT!?" Ilia screamed.

"You see, I'm too geeky, Ganondorf was too macho, but you're just right! See? You can already subconsciously throw daggers and wield swords!" Zelda said.

"Okay!" Ilia said, putting her hand in the bottle and somehow acquiring the Triforce of Power.

**Back in Ordon…**

Ilia stepped into Link's (newly rebuilt) hut, with hooded robes on, so she looked 'truly' evil.

"Hi, Ilia! Would you like to look at my floorboard collection?" Link asked.

"MWAHAHAHAHA!" Ilia laughed.

"No! That's not right! You threaten him first, **then **laugh evilly!" Zelda's voice said.

Ilia quickly jumped out and in again.

"I have come to kill you!" Ilia said.

Link poked Ilia in the eye.

"AUGH! AUGH! AUGH! AUGH!" Ilia continuously screamed.

"Let me do it!" Zelda said, pushing Ilia out and jumping in. "I have come to kill you!"

"Hey, you've gotten more evil since I last saw you," Link said.

"…" Zelda said.

"_Shouldn't you say something more heroic instead of acting like a super evil villain and laughing like one?_" Link mocked, laughing.

"Well you've gotten more hyper! And you can't think of witty come backs!" Zelda said.

"Shut up!" Link said, scowling.

"I will now knock you out cold and take you to the nearest dungeon to be eaten!" Zelda laughed.

Suddenly, Zelda was knocked out by an accidental blow to the face with the flat of a sword.

"Bo! You've come to save me!" Link said, sarcastically.

"I did all the evil tasks you wanted me to. Now can I kill Link?" Ilia asked, stepping into the doorway.

Zelda didn't reply.

"I guess you'll have to kill me next time!" Link laughed.

**To be continued… OMG CLIFFHANGER!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Fun with Mirrors**

**Chapter 10**

Note: This contains spoilers, and if you haven't played the game, you won't know what I'm talking about.

It was a while before Zelda did wake up.

By that time, Ilia had shown off her 'evil' dress to everybody in town.

"Hey, I wore that for dress up day last year!" Bo said.

"That reminds me of the grim reaper," Beth said.

"How do you spell, 'Link absolutely obliterating everything in sight'?" Malo said. "I'm still trying to write that story."

"Maybe I could proof read!" Ilia said.

Out of Link's hut stepped an angry looking Zelda.

"Hey, Zelda! I did the things on the list you gave me. I completed them all. Including the one where I have to knock out someone!" Ilia said, enthusiastically.

"I will destroy you all!" Zelda said, running after Link.

"AAAH!" Link said, darting for the water.

"I WILL DESTROY YOU!" Zelda said, pulling out a sword.

Link jumped onto Epona, who was dead.

"Giddy up, girl!" Link said, whacking Epona's side.

Link drifted into the water, using Epona as a raft.

"NUUUEZ!" Zelda said.

Zelda then stood on Colin's dead body and used it as a raft.

"AUGH!" Link screamed, paddling fasted.

Link floated around the end part of the stream, and it was a dead end.

"I've got you!" Zelda laughed.

Link pulled out his sword and slashed at Zelda, who was now next to him.

Zelda dodged, and attempted to stab Link with her sword.

As Zelda lunged forward, Link climbed onto Zelda's back, and kicked her into the water.

"Kewl, Link! I want to be able to do that!" Collin said, not realising that he was supposed to have been stood on by Link.

For the sake of plot continuity, Collin fell into a plot hole.

"Kewl, Link! I want to be able to do that!" Beth said.

"Well, if I teach you, I-" Link said, cut off.

Zelda had kicked him in the shin.

"Ow, that hurts!" Link said, rubbing his shin.

"Now, I will destroy you!" Zelda said.

Link dodged a swing of the sword by Zelda, and then shot an arrow in the air.

"What was that supposed to do?" Zelda asked, raising her sword.

Suddenly, a dead monkey landed on Zelda, making her fall into an untimely placed whirlpool.

Link hopped off Collin's dead body, and swam to the shore.

Everyone clapped and cheered.

**Later…**

Zelda had ended up at the Upper Zora's River outside Hena's fishing hole, and so had Ilia.

"You must kill him like I ordered!" Zelda screamed.

"I must? Oh, you could've said that at the start. Anyway, it was threat, and then laugh, and then stab, right?" Ilia asked.

"FORGET THE TALKING! JUST KILL HIM!" Zelda screamed.

"Did you say to kill Link!?" Hena gasped, running out of her house.

"Did you say my afro was too small!?" Iza screamed, capsizing a boat she was in.

"Yeah, I want Link dead because he's evil!" Zelda said.

"Yeah, and also, your afro tastes like ginger beer," Ilia said, sneering.

Iza stared blankly at Ilia.

"It will take time to get used to this 'evil' thing, right?" Ilia asked.

"Anyway, I will protect Link!" Hena screamed.

"Why!? He's the worst guy ever!" Zelda said.

"Because he rode in my flirty boat of flirt-ish-ness, and that declares him officially my boyfriend!" Hena said.

"We will fight to the death!" Zelda challenged, pulling out a sword.

Hena pushed Zelda into the water.

"Wow, I never knew you could float," Hena said, giggling.

All the Zoras in the area laughed.

"I will destroy you, Zoras!" Zelda screamed.

"With what? A sword?" laughed a Zora.

"Yes," Zelda said.

Crickets chirped.

"Anyway…" Zelda said, scowling at the Zoras, "We will fight to the death!"

"Sorry, but I need to work," Hena said.

"Well, you must watch me kill these Zoras!" Zelda laughed at the thought of the painful punishment.

"That's fine. They were stealing my fish, anyway," Hena said.

"OMG! SHE KNOWS!" the Zoras screamed.

"Well, you are the only big consumers of fish, and the only other people who like fish are those stupid Ordonians," Hena said, as Bo sneakily stole some fish in the background. "And anyway, none of them bother to come here."

"Either way, I will keel joo all!" Zelda screamed.

Zelda dashed forward, but tripped over Ilia's foot and fell into the water.

"AUGH! AUGH! AUGH!" Zelda screamed, flailing her arms.

"Don't worry! I'll get you out!" Ilia said, jumping on Zelda.

"How is this supposed to help me!?" Zelda screamed, gasping for air.

"It isn't," Hena said.

Just then, Link came.

"Hey, Hena, can I ride in your flirty boat of flirt-ish-ness again?" Link asked.

"Sure. By the way, she wants to kill you," Hena said.

"She doesn't. She just hates me!" Link said, accidentally flicking a water bomb onto Zelda.

Moral of the story: Spending money results in you laughing at others' expenses.

The bomb blew up on Zelda, but due to the improbabilities of the game, she got a bruise.

"NUUUUUUEZ!" Zelda screamed, being sucked into a inconveniently place water spout.

"Hey, Zelda, it turns out your lawyer hates you!" Hena said, sounding remotely witty.

Zelda blinked, as she fell.

"Hey, Zelda, do you want to go somewhere fun?" Link asked, as Zelda fell.

"AAAAAAH!" Zelda screamed.

"Of course you do!" Link chuckled.

Zelda, strangely, was too flat on her face on the ground and unconscious to respond.

"Hm. That's interesting," Link said.

"Can we hide dead bodies in my bedroom again?" Ilia asked.

**To be continued…**


	11. Chapter 11, Part I, Ooooh!

**Fun with Mirrors**

**Chapter 11- Part I**

Note: This contains spoilers, and if you haven't played the game, you won't know what I'm talking about.

Zelda woke up.

She was at the top of Hyrule Castle.

"Nice view up here, eh?" Link asked.

"DIE!!!" Zelda screamed.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, I tied you up," Link said.

Zelda realised that she was tied to a chair.

"Hi there, honourable princess!" Ilia said, smiling.

"Ilia, I told you to take off that stupid costume," Link said.

"Sorry, I forgot. Hey, princess, what evil things can we do today?" Ilia asked, smiling still.

"Push Link off!" Zelda screamed, struggling.

A bomb was thrown at her.

"Princess, each time you say my name, a bomb will be thrown at you," Link said. "All thanks to Barnes' Bombs!"

"Yup, that's me!" said Barnes, who happened to be there at the time.

Ilia pushed Barnes off.

"That was fun!" she said.

"Evil is not fun, Ilia!" Zelda said. "It's serious!"

"Okay, serious!" Ilia said, smiling.

Zelda attempted to smack her forehead, only making herself fall over.

"Untie me!" Zelda screamed.

Ilia did.

"Oh no! She can now kill me!" Link said. "Oh, wait, you're too dumb!"

Link and Ilia chuckled.

Zelda hit Link with a purse.

"Hey! That hurt!" Link said.

"So?" Zelda asked.

"That hurt my feelings!" Link said, tripping.

"Nice job, _hero_," said Zelda.

"Excuse me, _princess_," Link said, shooting an arrow at Zelda's foot.

"DON'T REFERENCE TV SHOWS!" Zelda screamed, throwing her purse at Link.

Link dodged and it hit Ilia, causing her to fall off the ledge.

"Look what you've done now!" Zelda gasped.

"I didn't do it! You threw the purse!" Link said.

"So? If it hit you, _you _would've fallen off instead!" Zelda said.

"But someone still would've fallen off," Link said.

"But you would've fallen off!" Zelda said.

"But that would hurt my feelings!" Link said.

"But I have feelings too!" Zelda said.

"Hey, ya know that Ilia's dead?" Link said.

"NUUUUUUUUEZ!" Zelda screamed.

"So you _didn't _know that before… that she'd fallen off a ten storey drop…" Link said, raising an eyebrow.

Zelda teleported down to Ilia's body.

"No! My evil unco sidekick!" Zelda wailed, holding Ilia like Frankenstein's monster.

"I'm still alive," Ilia said.

"It's so sad! I could almost imagine what she'd be saying right now," Zelda said.

"Yep, you're hallucinating!" said a leprechaun that was standing next to her.

Link walked out the door at the base of the castle.

"Don't cry, princess! Anyway, she isn't your daughter or anything," Link said.

"Point taken," said Zelda.

"Nooo! My psychotic friendly girlfriend!" Link wailed.

"I thought _I_ was your girlfriend!" Hena said, slapping Link.

"No, I was!" Ilia said, standing up.

"OMG! You're alive!?" Zelda screamed.

The three started to fight.

"Heh, girls," Link said.

The three stared at Link.

"GET HIM!"


	12. Chapter 12 or Part II, Ooooh!

**Fun with Mirrors**

**Chapter 11- Part II/Chapter 12 Part 1/ the 12****th**** chapter**

Note: This contains spoilers, and if you haven't played the game, you won't know what I'm talking about.

Link pulled out his sword.

"You can't kill me! I saved Hyrule, and I have a sword!" Link said, in triumph.

Hena snapped Link's leg.

"AAAAAGH!" Link screamed.

"Can I eat his arm?" Ilia asked.

"We're evil psychotic women, not cannibals!" Zelda said.

"Oh. Can I eat his horse?"

"No," said Zelda.

"Take that!" Hena screamed, breaking Link's arm.

"I know! I'll call Midna to help!" said Link, smiling cheesily.

He realised Midna had returned to the twilight.

"Oh," Link said.

**Meanwhile…**

"I think I should visit Link today!" Midna said, cheerfully.

"But madam, Link is in another world!" said one of her servants.

"SHUT UP!" she screamed, throwing the servant off a cliff.

Midna walked up to the spot the mirror originally was.

"Now where did that mirror go?" Midna wondered to herself.

She grabbed a replacement.

"All better!" she said.

**Anyway…**

"AAAAGH!" Link screamed, as his bones were constantly being broken.

"Hi there, Link!" Midna said, cheerfully floating towards him.

Midna saw that Hena, Ilia and Zelda were fighting over Link.

"Hey, I'm his girlfriend!" Midna screamed, slapping Link.

"Sheesh, why don't we just have Ordon Villiage vote?" Link suggested.

"Great idea!" said the four others.

"I was joking."

**Later…**

It was getting dark as the five were walking to Ordon.

"Hey, why do all the girls' names end with a?" Link asked.

"Not everybody's. There's Beth, a-" Zelda started to say.

"Her name's Betha," Link said.

"No it isn't!" Zelda said.

"You don't even live in that town!" Link shot back.

"Oh yeah!?"

Link pushed Zelda into the closest lake.

"That was easy!" Link said.

"Now, to have a vote!" Link said. "BO!"

The town mayor stumbled out of his house.

"What now?"

"I want you to decide who here's my girlfriend!" Link said, smiling cheesily.

"I can be your girlfriend!" Bo said.

"Um… no?"

Bo hugged Link.

"Save me Midna!" Link screamed.

"Hey! Why are you calling for _Midna_! Why not me!?" Hena screamed.

She attempted to stab Link with a dagger, but killed Bo, who was in the way.

"Daddy!" Ilia screamed.

"He'd make a nice sandwich," Midna remarked. "Eee hee hee!"

"Agreed," Ilia said.

"I was joking," Midna said.

"SHADDUP!" Ilia screamed, stabbing Bo.

"Why did you stab Bo and not me?" Midna asked.

"Don't worry, she's a moron," Link said, putting his thumbs up.

"Ilia?" Hena asked, tapping her on the shoulder.

Ilia started to eat Bo.

"Well, if you DO excuse me, I have a kingdom to rule," Midna said, floating away.

"And I have fish to kill," Hena said.

Zelda tried to say something, but drowned in the process.

"What now?" Link wondered.

Ilia was eating his leg.

"Luckily I have this Rare Chu Jelly!" Link said. "Not only does it replenish hearts, but it gives you a temporary atta-"

Link bled to death.

**THE END.**


End file.
